My first day at Microsoft started with a war. But it taught me everything I needed to know about surviving a snake pit—and becoming a People Whisperer.
Insecurity doesn’t like the spotlight. It hides until it feels safe—until they trust you won’t use it against them.
To step into their insecurity, you need to show vulnerability first. Share a moment where you didn’t get it right—maybe you missed a deadline or received tough feedback. The deeper you go, the deeper they’ll go. If you want them to open up, you have to lead with your own vulnerability.
And when they do share, don’t judge it. Don’t say, “That’s the wrong way to think.” Just listen.
This helps you step into their insecurity, but it’s not the full solution. Challenging them comes next—and that’s a whole other post. Stay tuned.
Interesting adages. I've definitely spent too much of my career fighting with logic, even though, on a deeper level, I'm aware that logic isn't usually the key. Navigating the world by going down all these esoteric wormholes of subconscious bias might be the only way to win friends and influence people, but it sure does suck sometimes. None of us seem to make it easy for each other to connect and find a frequency that is mutually beneficial.
Navigating through biases and insecurities can feel exhausting, but it’s often the only way to truly influence and build trust.
The one who initiates the right frequency and maintains it is the leader in the situation. This is why leadership isn’t a title—it’s a choice in the moment.
Thank you for this article! I feel like you really helped me gain some perspective about how one can use their empathy to not only understand others, but to gain trust in an environment where there is none. That is a superpower that I feel a lot of us have, but we lack the tools and guidance to use to our advantage.
I’m glad this resonated with you! Empathy is a superpower, especially in environments where trust is hard to find. The key is learning how to use it strategically—to both understand and build bridges where others can’t.
Once you start using it intentionally, it becomes one of the most powerful tools in any workplace.
There’s a lot behind it, and I’ll be sharing more through real interactions I’ve had. But here’s the essence—it’s more about us than them.
How do you keep giving without expecting anything in return?
How do you not take it personally when they blame you or shut you out—even after you’ve helped them?
It’s tempting to say, "No thanks, I’m done." But real power is learning how to program yourself so it doesn’t drain your mental energy.
Thanks for asking—it’s a tough topic, and one that’s at the core of leadership. Leadership isn’t easy—but that’s what makes it so valuable to all of us.
I definitely felt frustrated, and there were times it felt like burnout. I wanted to quit. What kept me going was my determination to grow as a leader and my gratitude for the tough environment. Making an impact in their lives fueled me to push forward. Leadership is hard when done right, but it’s also incredibly fulfilling.
I agree :) Do you believe this mindset can help to work with dark triad personality without getting backfired. I am genuinely concerned about this, so I asked.
Some people took advantage of my approach. I learned how to continue to refine my approach. You can’t control others. Only show up to help. The outcome is not in your hands.
It's a good thought line and quite along the lines of walking the high route. Still years of doing this might also hit your performance and eat away at your peace and confidence, as the results might show in years and another person choosing to drop their fear is not 100% subject to 1 person's behaviour or backing.
Professional relationships need some human and psychological dealing. As a manager, it is highly essential. As an employee it takes away from your work efficiency or personal life.
I hear you completely. It’s exhausting to keep walking that high road, especially when the impact isn’t immediate, and you can’t control how others choose to act. I’ve been there myself—when I joined Microsoft as an individual contributor, I felt the weight of that toxic environment. But these same leadership actions, grounded in emotional intelligence, got me into a management role within six months.
It’s not just for managers—emotional intelligence is for everyone. It helps navigate these difficult dynamics without losing yourself, but I know it’s not always easy to balance that with work and personal life.
That sounds incredibly tough, Karen. It’s frustrating when you have a great leader but still have to navigate a toxic environment. It’s hard to thrive when the overall culture works against you, no matter how strong individual leadership might be.
"Welcome to Microsoft before Satya Nadella. It was a blood sport, where backstabbing was celebrated, and teamwork was a corporate buzzword no one practiced.". This is not a place to be for anyone. I just wonder, how many toxic workspaces we have today and people work there for big money or similar perks.
Unfortunately, toxic environments aren’t unique to any one company. It’s everywhere, and while running away is definitely a choice, you can’t hide from it forever.
The best approach? Learn the skills to navigate it and be the person you want to see in that environment. It's tough, but it’s also an opportunity to lead by example and create positive change, even in the smallest ways.
"Toxic" has unfortunately become a buzzword and can mean many things. What is described as "toxic" in the text is more due to how individuals react to pressure at the workplace or how work culture and open communication (or the lack thereof) affects people. I agree with the author that - to a certain extent - you can positively influence this with your own behaviour. When it gets really "toxic" though, e.g. bullying or bossing, micro-management, mushroom management, favoritism, discrimination or misogyny - and if you don't get support from superiors or the staff delegation (if there is one), it's better to take the consequences and look for a better alternative elsewhere as soon as possible.
How do you step into their insecurity?
Insecurity doesn’t like the spotlight. It hides until it feels safe—until they trust you won’t use it against them.
To step into their insecurity, you need to show vulnerability first. Share a moment where you didn’t get it right—maybe you missed a deadline or received tough feedback. The deeper you go, the deeper they’ll go. If you want them to open up, you have to lead with your own vulnerability.
And when they do share, don’t judge it. Don’t say, “That’s the wrong way to think.” Just listen.
This helps you step into their insecurity, but it’s not the full solution. Challenging them comes next—and that’s a whole other post. Stay tuned.
Will look out for your next article on this subject thank you
Interesting adages. I've definitely spent too much of my career fighting with logic, even though, on a deeper level, I'm aware that logic isn't usually the key. Navigating the world by going down all these esoteric wormholes of subconscious bias might be the only way to win friends and influence people, but it sure does suck sometimes. None of us seem to make it easy for each other to connect and find a frequency that is mutually beneficial.
Logic alone rarely connects us on a deeper level.
Navigating through biases and insecurities can feel exhausting, but it’s often the only way to truly influence and build trust.
The one who initiates the right frequency and maintains it is the leader in the situation. This is why leadership isn’t a title—it’s a choice in the moment.
Thank you for this article! I feel like you really helped me gain some perspective about how one can use their empathy to not only understand others, but to gain trust in an environment where there is none. That is a superpower that I feel a lot of us have, but we lack the tools and guidance to use to our advantage.
I’m glad this resonated with you! Empathy is a superpower, especially in environments where trust is hard to find. The key is learning how to use it strategically—to both understand and build bridges where others can’t.
Once you start using it intentionally, it becomes one of the most powerful tools in any workplace.
Curious, what exactly is "Outlasting their fears"? Loved the article! Thank you for the nuggets of gold.
There’s a lot behind it, and I’ll be sharing more through real interactions I’ve had. But here’s the essence—it’s more about us than them.
How do you keep giving without expecting anything in return?
How do you not take it personally when they blame you or shut you out—even after you’ve helped them?
It’s tempting to say, "No thanks, I’m done." But real power is learning how to program yourself so it doesn’t drain your mental energy.
Thanks for asking—it’s a tough topic, and one that’s at the core of leadership. Leadership isn’t easy—but that’s what makes it so valuable to all of us.
Would you recommend any books that can help with this topic.... dealing with toxic seniors
You’ll need to learn how to work with the emotional mind. Three books that I recommend:
1. The Happiness Hypothesis
2. The Elephant in the Brain
3. The Power of Vulnerability
Fantastic read
An interesting perspective. It is a shame people have to work in this manner.
did you get burned out ?
I definitely felt frustrated, and there were times it felt like burnout. I wanted to quit. What kept me going was my determination to grow as a leader and my gratitude for the tough environment. Making an impact in their lives fueled me to push forward. Leadership is hard when done right, but it’s also incredibly fulfilling.
I agree :) Do you believe this mindset can help to work with dark triad personality without getting backfired. I am genuinely concerned about this, so I asked.
Thank you Taha for sharing your perspective.
Some people took advantage of my approach. I learned how to continue to refine my approach. You can’t control others. Only show up to help. The outcome is not in your hands.
It's a good thought line and quite along the lines of walking the high route. Still years of doing this might also hit your performance and eat away at your peace and confidence, as the results might show in years and another person choosing to drop their fear is not 100% subject to 1 person's behaviour or backing.
Professional relationships need some human and psychological dealing. As a manager, it is highly essential. As an employee it takes away from your work efficiency or personal life.
I hear you completely. It’s exhausting to keep walking that high road, especially when the impact isn’t immediate, and you can’t control how others choose to act. I’ve been there myself—when I joined Microsoft as an individual contributor, I felt the weight of that toxic environment. But these same leadership actions, grounded in emotional intelligence, got me into a management role within six months.
It’s not just for managers—emotional intelligence is for everyone. It helps navigate these difficult dynamics without losing yourself, but I know it’s not always easy to balance that with work and personal life.
Microsoft was the most toxic place I ever worked, despite having one of the most stellar leaders for our product.
That sounds incredibly tough, Karen. It’s frustrating when you have a great leader but still have to navigate a toxic environment. It’s hard to thrive when the overall culture works against you, no matter how strong individual leadership might be.
"Welcome to Microsoft before Satya Nadella. It was a blood sport, where backstabbing was celebrated, and teamwork was a corporate buzzword no one practiced.". This is not a place to be for anyone. I just wonder, how many toxic workspaces we have today and people work there for big money or similar perks.
Unfortunately, toxic environments aren’t unique to any one company. It’s everywhere, and while running away is definitely a choice, you can’t hide from it forever.
The best approach? Learn the skills to navigate it and be the person you want to see in that environment. It's tough, but it’s also an opportunity to lead by example and create positive change, even in the smallest ways.
Exactly!
“And that's when the walls came down. Not because I agreed with him but because he felt truly understood.“ Spot on! Empathy does disarm:)
Thanks, Alexia. It breaks down barriers faster than any argument ever could!
"Toxic" has unfortunately become a buzzword and can mean many things. What is described as "toxic" in the text is more due to how individuals react to pressure at the workplace or how work culture and open communication (or the lack thereof) affects people. I agree with the author that - to a certain extent - you can positively influence this with your own behaviour. When it gets really "toxic" though, e.g. bullying or bossing, micro-management, mushroom management, favoritism, discrimination or misogyny - and if you don't get support from superiors or the staff delegation (if there is one), it's better to take the consequences and look for a better alternative elsewhere as soon as possible.
did you get burned-out ?