If Nobody Swears in a Crisis, You’re Fucked
7 signs your team is faking safety.
If your team sounds aligned all the time, they are not.
They are scared.
Scared of looking stupid.
Scared of being blamed.
Scared of you.
Psychological safety is not a mural or a values doc. It is not a retro template. It is not the “culture” page on your careers site.
It is how people act when production is burning.
It is whether they tell you the real problem or hide it under layers of polite bullshit.
If you are not paying attention, fear becomes normal. Everyone smiles. Everyone nods. Everyone repeats the same sanitized script. And you think things are fine right up until they are not.
Here are seven signals your team does not feel safe, and what to do about them.
1. Hedging everywhere
“Maybe we could try this.”
“I think this might work.”
“Just to clarify…”
If every sentence is padded with qualifiers, that is not humility. That is fear. People are managing risk, not solving problems. They are reducing exposure to being wrong.
A team that is actually safe says, “This is the right path” or “That will not work.” Direct. Concrete. Sharp.
👉 What to do: Next time someone hedges, pause. Say, “You do not need to soften this. Give it to us straight.” Then let them talk.
2. Polished updates
If your standups sound like corporate press releases with lines like “on track,” “should be fine,” or “to be honest,” you are being lied to.
Nobody talks like that when production is on fire at three in the morning. Real language is messy. It has swears. It has urgency.
Polished language means the outage is not the real danger. The real danger is being the one who names it out loud.
👉 What to do: When you hear press release language, stop. Ask, “What is the messy version of that update?” Then wait until someone dares to say it.
3. Pressure shows the cracks
Stress does not create character. It reveals it.
The launch is shaky. The board wants answers. A deploy broke production. Suddenly the room feels heavy.
Watch closely.
Someone freezes, staring at their laptop.
Someone floods Slack with long messages.
Someone else disappears from the conversation entirely.
That is your culture without the mask.
👉 What to do: Do not rush to rescue the silence. Let it hang. Then say, “Say more about that.” Show them that pressure is not punishment. It is information.
4. The “villain” is usually a guardian
Every org has someone who always raises concerns. The PM who slows things down with risk talk. The engineer who keeps hammering the same issue. The exec who seems to block everything.
It is easy to paint them as the antagonist. But most of the time, they are protecting something they think is critical. Customers. Uptime. Reputation. Sometimes, even you.
👉 What to do: Next time someone feels like the blocker, ask yourself, “If they were the hero, what are they defending?” Then say, “I can see you are protecting something important. What is it?” That single question can flip the dynamic.
5. The story is too small
Every team runs on a story. If the story is just your story, people know it. And they quietly check out.
When the story feels shared, people stop performing and start contributing. They improvise instead of recite. They help write the next chapter instead of waiting for your script.
👉 What to do: In your next all hands, strip every “I” and replace it with “we.” Then ask one person outside your circle, “Where do you see yourself in this?” If they cannot answer, you do not have a story that sticks.
6. Raw feedback gets smoothed over
When someone finally says, “This plan is a mess and nobody knows what we are doing,” that is not feedback. That is fire.
It is jagged. It is uncomfortable. It makes the room go quiet.
If your instinct is to thank them politely or log it in a retro doc, you just killed it. That spike of honesty was the last flare from someone who still cared enough to burn.
👉 What to do: When you hear words like “mess” or “chaos,” lean in. Ask, “What feels messy to you?” Then fix one thing they named. Fix it fast. Nothing proves safety more than messy truth turning into visible change.
7. Tone leaks through the cracks
Culture does not live in surveys or off-sites. It shows up in the tiny in-between moments.
The way people close a Slack thread. The pause after a tough question. The hallway glance after a debate.
Are the messages clipped and overly formal? Do meetings end in laughter, or in silence and chairs scraping back? That is your tone. That is the truth.
👉 What to do: After your next tough meeting, do not ask for generic feedback. Ask, “What was left unsaid?” The rawest truth often arrives right there, fragile and unfiltered.
Tone does not lie. It hides in plain sight, waiting for someone willing to hear it.
Final Thought
If your team sounds polished, you are screwed.
If they rehearse the truth before they say it, you have already lost.
Leadership invites the mess and makes it speakable. It is showing people that the unpolished, inconvenient, awkward truth is not just allowed. It is expected.
So when the room is holding its breath, when everyone is calculating their words, when silence hums louder than speech, you have one job:
Say the thing no one else will.
That is what leadership actually sounds like.
Follow me on LinkedIn for daily insights shared with 75,000+ incredible minds.
If you’re looking to grow your career, here are four ways I can help you:
The Resume Ghostbuster: Join 5,000+ people who’ve transformed their resumes into recruiter magnets. Use the robust AI script to transform your resume into the template of your choice. Includes LinkedIn profile update and job search strategies.
The Top Engineer Method: Join 1,000+ engineers worldwide and master the skills AI can’t touch. Learn to showcase your work, build influence, and navigate politics to keep your career in your control.
The Top Tech Leader Method: Join 500+ engineering leaders across the globe inside The Top Tech Leader Method. Learn the People Intelligence skills I used to lead high-performing teams, influence executives, and grow into an engineering executive at startups and top-tier tech companies.
Visit Taha’s Method: For more courses, tools, and practical guides.
I love the raw truth and especially the applied examples!